so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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