I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My breasts were aching with rage.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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