If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
do nipples grow back?
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