I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
