just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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