We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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