I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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