Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
