Me. At least after what I've been through.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
