I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
