she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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