Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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