too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
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