my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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