The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
