Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
