I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
