My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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