it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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