I accidentally had phone sex last night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
