Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
