that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
