My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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