I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
