did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
