Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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