Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
