Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
