Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
