if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's the barista slut.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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