I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
