whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
