just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
