I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What a dumb baby whore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
