yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
