i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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