I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
