I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
