As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
