I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
