sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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