She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
