got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Couch. On fire.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
