let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
