Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
