I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
