I am puke
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
