It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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