i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
