Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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