I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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