I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
