How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
