She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
