She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
